D!
Yours truly. 17. Female. Malaysian. Petite. 27th MAY. Single. Maybe available *hinthint* NEWS is her only drug. Absolutely, magically in love with BEAST. Hey! Say! JUMP. SHINee. Super Junior. In that order. Assuntarian. A Harry Potter Twitter Role-Player. Compulsive writer. Lusting for a glance in her direction. Sings like the world is deaf. As genuine as you can get. A self-proclaimed narcissist. Enjoys not having the other half
Love me? Hate me? I'll still be me. Enjoy. Lyn|Avery
Books Pave the Way to Destruction Yet to A Beauty Beyond Imaginations
286 posts from 5 June 2011
Escaping the conforms of society
To stupefy the endless expanse of the universe
Advancing into a world unknown
Please don't RIP Ask permission.
Discover where else she speaks her mind
Twitter: @theivorykeys
Facebook: Shern Lyn Khuan
Email: Contact either TorFB for details. (;
• To be any JE member's adopted sister
• My first book published
• To meet NewS
• To meet Hey!Say!JUMP
• To meet Super Junior
• To meet SHINee
• To get signed to SM Entertainment
• A degree in English
• Black skinnies (:
•
•
• Japanese boy uniform
• To perform a JE song medley
• To perform in Tokyo Dome and get signed to JE
• Another trip to Japan
• Permanent Japanese residence
• A yukata
•
• To cosplay
• My first perfect Japanese bento lunch
•
• Understand and speak fluent Japanese
• Understand and speak fluent Korean
• National status as a writer
• A laptop or something similar
Will be updated when fancy strikes
MY BRATs TEAM. Alor Star 2011 NewS (Lots of love). Hey! Say! JUMP. Masuda Takahisa. Kato Shigeaki. Pen. Paper. Trees. Yamashita Tomohisa SHINee 3A12009. Super Junior. Nakajima Yuuto. Mathematics. Window shopping. Tegoshi Yuya. Japan! Twilight and Dusk. Kim Jong-Woon Sunset. Beaches. Rain. Stars. Inspiration. Koyama Keiichiro. Colours. Winter. Snow. Winter jackets. Nishikido Ryo.
Unofficial HSJ Malaysia LJ
abelchi| amandang/doldol | amylim | annatan | ashleykhor | ben-jielim | chuachiyan | cynthiaong | dariusbehyunji<3 | eelainetan | eeleng | euniceho | huichee | honpaige | horsegirl15 | jadeyeap<3 | kin-chan<3 | lydiaong | marcusheng | miki-chan<3 | nicolefong | nicolemarcus | previta | samuellee
A few words would be nice. :D
By post:
feeling helpless
being strong
Hatred Is Not Only A Feeling
To Shed Or Not To Shed
Can It Be Called Love?
When You Fall, Fall With Grace
Is It Called Self Abuse?
The Words of a Man in Love
Of Headaches and Departures
wow
By month:
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
|
Thursday, June 16, 2011 @ 5:17 AM
What a misleading title.But unfortunately, although the idea of cutting and bleeding is a very gleeful prospect, even the tiniest cut on my pinky with a kitchen knife sent me into fits of "owws" and "mommy, very pain" so therefore, I can safely say that I'll never be a cutter. This form of self abuse I am subjecting myself to is most likely considered emotional abuse. And it all stems from the sole reason that I am in love with a guy halfway across the entire globe who will always remember the girl who hurt him and never the girl who loved him. And this is in my Role-Play realm. He and I have been fighting for quite a few weeks already and we never seem to be able to settle our differences in a civil, sophisticated manner. He claims that I am hurting him but he does not realize the amount of pain and suffering I am going through as well. Maybe he is blind to the feelings of a girl. Maybe he is egoistical. Maybe he is just plain ignorant. Maybe he is selfish. I sometimes sit and wonder if it was he who had changed or was it I that had changed? I would point fingers at him and he at me. We are only human and I dare not bring it up for fear of disrupting our "moving on" stage. When he went through a depression, I was there for him. Each smile, I smiled for him. He made me happy. He reawakened feelings inside of me that I thought had long died. But alas, my feelings weren't reciprocated but I held on to the fantasy that they would be. Until we went through fights and I turned into the girl who hurt him instead of the "queen of words" and the girl who loved him. Each day, I shed a tear because of him. My thoughts are disrupted because of him. My concentration is unfocused. My chest aches. All due to him. I know I must let go. I am no longer important to him. Even when the both of us took a break, each day, I still thought of him. I have tried, time after time again to repair what I had broken but if the effort is only one-sided, nothing can be done. He says that RP used to be fun for him and now he invents reasons to not come on. I know that I am the cause of this and yet I still hold on to him. I refuse to let go. I cannot let go. Not without at least trying. But the pain I am going through knowing that he is on messenger talking to the other RPer whom he truly appreciates sends me into shaking, concealed sobs and silent tears. It is very obvious that I am no longer important to him. I am trying to repair our broken relationship with a new character but he hasn't taken any interest in it and has yet to approve my follow request so we can resume role-playing. Tell me, is this fair on my part? Am I merely lying to myself that everything would be fine again? Am I abusing my feelings and my heart by holding on? Role-Play used to be fun and exciting for me. I couldn't go a day without role-playing but nowadays, I barely have the interest to start a role-play. I always make comparisons. And he is forever on my mind. I know it is time to let go, no matter how painful it may be. But it is always easier said than done. I hearts, Lyn|Avery Labels: heartache |
|
Monday, June 6, 2011 @ 6:32 AM
I just recently finished reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I guess most girls would tell you that they LOVE Nicholas Sparks' books but I for one can tell you that they would not be my favourite books nor one that I would consider reading over and over again. For one, they are extremely depressing. If I hadn't been eating while I was reading, I would have definitely shed a few tears but since I was distracted by eating, I did not. But I still felt a little tug of the heartstrings.I doubt I'd be reading another Nicholas Sparks' book any time soon but I assure you, if I do find any that are interesting, I would. Prior to reading The Notebook, I did not want to touch any other book as I wanted The Notebook to be the first Sparks book that I will ever read and after years and months and days of searching, I finally found it. And though the book didn't disappoint, it wasn't as spectacular as I had expected a Nicholas Spark book to be. I had expected The Notebook to be a journey of sorts of Allie and Noah's love but instead, it turned out to be a short part at the beginning of the book about their history which paled in comparison to the movie's heart-wrenching rendition. The rest of the book comprised of how Noah struggled with Allie's Alzheimer's disease and how he fought for their love and tried to get Allie to remember. All in all, it was a good book with beautiful writing, descriptions and a lot of feelings. However, it was rather depressing. Yet, I still enjoyed reading it although it did pale in comparison to the movie's version. I hearts, Lyn|Avery P.S. My aunt bought me the cutest pink Longchamp clutch from France. And I am watching How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Labels: books are gardens, my heart's content |
|
Sunday, June 5, 2011 @ 8:43 AM
Lookie! The password still works. So, I guess this is my turn to post here after four days of not posting. I’m a pretty much touchy-feely sort of person so this won’t be much about what we actually did but more of how I feel about the whole thing. Just a general summary of the four days. Not too many details. Here goes: *drumroll* As I step onto the train, I realized that this was it. We were going home. And as it always is, it was not a feeling of relief and joy that I would have felt but the feeling of a part of myself disappearing. Four days of being a part of the BRATs family was not satisfying enough and I and I’m sure the rest of the Alor Setar BRATs 2011 would agree with me. The time spent bonding over the tiniest of things was too little but even so, the unforgettable bond of friendship was formed. How strong these bonds remain, we will never know and the future is for us to discover. A day of ice-breaking began with Valerie and I stepping off the train after suffering a cramped 10 hour ride and were instantly met by Xing-yi, Marcus, Joash and Thiiban. We could not tell if they were shy because we were girls or because they didn’t know what to say but getting them to open up to us was a little difficult. However, a walk about the area to scout for breakfast changed all of that. And soon, two girls and four guys bonded over laksa, curry noodles and popiah along with teh ais, Milo ais, teh O’ ais and soya bean. It was on this fateful day or should I say night that I met the Barney Stinson to my Robin Sherbatsky. And much like these two famed characters of “How I Met Your Mother?”, we only managed to carry out a friendly relationship much to the aching of my once-tried heart. It began with a “legen-wait for it-dary” as well as a “I wanna get to know you” and ended with a photograph. Along the way there were whispered chats about assignment locations, gorgeous smiles, hearty laughter, stealing of an electronic device, Chemistry and Add Maths discussions, a bunch of mommy-ing and of course, a hug in an elevator. From Pekan Rabu to Kota Kuala Kedah, each assignment was met with head on determination, frustration, irritants, b****h stares, frustrated outbursts, relief, headaches, groaning, pulling of hair, sarcastic looks from Niki, eating of fish/sotong strips from Ian, Jason’s camera and Meldoy’s pink-covered iPad. And not to forget, Ben-Jie, Amy and Pau Ling. Being a part of BRATs Alor Setar 2011 has literally changed me. In so many ways. My patience had been tried, tested and my fury had been felt. My heart forgot for a moment and a new stirring began. Friendships were formed and strong bonds were built. Experiences were gained and knowledge was passed along. Exhaustion so heavy that I could fall asleep just about anywhere. Riding on the train and then walking about town… [Cross-posted to www.starbrats.tumblr.com Labels: my heart's content |