No matter the mistake, you'll always shine with glitter

The Narcissist

D!
Yours truly. 17. Female. Malaysian. Petite. 27th MAY. Single. Maybe available *hinthint* NEWS is her only drug. Absolutely, magically in love with BEAST. Hey! Say! JUMP. SHINee. Super Junior. In that order. Assuntarian. A Harry Potter Twitter Role-Player. Compulsive writer. Lusting for a glance in her direction. Sings like the world is deaf. As genuine as you can get. A self-proclaimed narcissist. Enjoys not having the other half
Love me? Hate me? I'll still be me. Enjoy. Lyn|Avery
Books Pave the Way to Destruction Yet to A Beauty Beyond Imaginations

Her Domain

286 posts from 5 June 2011
Escaping the conforms of society
To stupefy the endless expanse of the universe
Advancing into a world unknown
Please don't RIP Ask permission.
Discover where else she speaks her mind
Twitter: @theivorykeys
Facebook: Shern Lyn Khuan
Email: Contact either TorFB for details. (;

Her Cravings

• To be any JE member's adopted sister
• My first book published
• To meet NewS
• To meet Hey!Say!JUMP
• To meet Super Junior
• To meet SHINee
• To get signed to SM Entertainment
• A degree in English
• Black skinnies (:
• ~~White skinnies (:~~
• ~~A pet. Definetely~~
• Japanese boy uniform
• To perform a JE song medley
• To perform in Tokyo Dome and get signed to JE
• Another trip to Japan
• Permanent Japanese residence
• A yukata
• ~~A red and black checkered scarf~~
• To cosplay
• My first perfect Japanese bento lunch
• ~~A Japanese dictionary~~
• Understand and speak fluent Japanese
• Understand and speak fluent Korean
• National status as a writer
• A laptop or something similar
Will be updated when fancy strikes

Her One True Loves

MY BRATs TEAM. Alor Star 2011 NewS (Lots of love). Hey! Say! JUMP. Masuda Takahisa. Kato Shigeaki. Pen. Paper. Trees. Yamashita Tomohisa SHINee 3A12009. Super Junior. Nakajima Yuuto. Mathematics. Window shopping. Tegoshi Yuya. Japan! Twilight and Dusk. Kim Jong-Woon Sunset. Beaches. Rain. Stars. Inspiration. Koyama Keiichiro. Colours. Winter. Snow. Winter jackets. Nishikido Ryo.

Runaway

Ramblings&Memories

A few words would be nice. :D

By post:
When You Fall, Fall With Grace
Is It Called Self Abuse?
The Words of a Man in Love
Of Headaches and Departures
wow
not enough dance space; socks as shoes
my nose runs again; my throat itches
of cotton on and ruffedge and esprit and kitschen
aching feet; bursting tummy
one word; fallen angel

By month:
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011

Can It Be Called Love?

Saturday, August 6, 2011 @ 3:06 AM

May Geminis are said to be clingy and I am convinced that I DO fall into this category. After all the months of heartbreak, I still could not forget Z even to this day. There are days when I cannot control myself and I would lurk on his Twitter just to dream and wish and reminisce and some times, actually emotionally hurt myself.

I do not believe that I am actually in love with him. I may still harbour some feelings towards him but I cannot confidently tell you that I am in love with him. After all that we've gone through, the many messages of arguing and fighting and the many tears shed, I doubt it is really called love. Yet, I still cling to the dream that one day we would make up and although it would be awkward, a sort of friendship would be there. Until today, I have not mustered up enough courage to utter a word to him. All tweets that I send to him are instantly deleted as soon as I've sent them. Am I so cowardly that the fear of rejection sends me into such desperation?

I do not know. I do not want to dwell on such depressing things. The argument with Z sent me into depression for about a week and I don't want to go back there. My heart might ache each time I see his Twitter and see him talking to others like we used to. But a few hours later and I'll be fine again.

And here comes clingy evidence number two. And this has got to be the only guy I've ever had a crush on my in seventeen years of life who actually merits me liking him. In fact, any girl liking him. Smart. EXTREMELY. Cute, possibly even sexy. Extremely sweet. Witty. And damn that voice of his. Liquid sex. But possibly that's just me.

I don't exactly demand for him to date me and all. I would just like a little acknowledgement. When I try to talk to him in a friendly manner, I get brushed off and ignored. I am not even given the time of the day with him.

Truth be told, I met him at a camp and we were pretty friendly the first few days there. After a while, he started to be distant to me..and it rather hurt. I kept wondering what exactly had I done wrong. And this was even before the fight I had with his room mate so I doubt it had affected it. And to add insult to the injury, there was a mild flirting between us the first few days. Probably I was friendly and very open to begin with and after he opened up with others, I didn't mean so much anymore. At least that's my theory. Even after the camp, he talks with others freely but not me.

It's clear that he has rejected me but yet I still cling to the dream that he would at least acknowledge me in some way. It would be nice to have someone to speak intellectually to. And a guy friend. It's been about two months since we last spoke and I tend to lurk on his Facebook page a little too much. But only because I'm trying to look for something to spark a lasting friendship. He is very much a gem.

And here is evidence that I am clingy. Am I desperate to be loved? Or is this just normal?

With love,
Lyn|Avery

Labels: confusion, heartache