No matter the mistake, you'll always shine with glitter

The Narcissist

D!
Yours truly. 17. Female. Malaysian. Petite. 27th MAY. Single. Maybe available *hinthint* NEWS is her only drug. Absolutely, magically in love with BEAST. Hey! Say! JUMP. SHINee. Super Junior. In that order. Assuntarian. A Harry Potter Twitter Role-Player. Compulsive writer. Lusting for a glance in her direction. Sings like the world is deaf. As genuine as you can get. A self-proclaimed narcissist. Enjoys not having the other half
Love me? Hate me? I'll still be me. Enjoy. Lyn|Avery
Books Pave the Way to Destruction Yet to A Beauty Beyond Imaginations

Her Domain

286 posts from 5 June 2011
Escaping the conforms of society
To stupefy the endless expanse of the universe
Advancing into a world unknown
Please don't RIP Ask permission.
Discover where else she speaks her mind
Twitter: @theivorykeys
Facebook: Shern Lyn Khuan
Email: Contact either TorFB for details. (;

Her Cravings

• To be any JE member's adopted sister
• My first book published
• To meet NewS
• To meet Hey!Say!JUMP
• To meet Super Junior
• To meet SHINee
• To get signed to SM Entertainment
• A degree in English
• Black skinnies (:
• ~~White skinnies (:~~
• ~~A pet. Definetely~~
• Japanese boy uniform
• To perform a JE song medley
• To perform in Tokyo Dome and get signed to JE
• Another trip to Japan
• Permanent Japanese residence
• A yukata
• ~~A red and black checkered scarf~~
• To cosplay
• My first perfect Japanese bento lunch
• ~~A Japanese dictionary~~
• Understand and speak fluent Japanese
• Understand and speak fluent Korean
• National status as a writer
• A laptop or something similar
Will be updated when fancy strikes

Her One True Loves

MY BRATs TEAM. Alor Star 2011 NewS (Lots of love). Hey! Say! JUMP. Masuda Takahisa. Kato Shigeaki. Pen. Paper. Trees. Yamashita Tomohisa SHINee 3A12009. Super Junior. Nakajima Yuuto. Mathematics. Window shopping. Tegoshi Yuya. Japan! Twilight and Dusk. Kim Jong-Woon Sunset. Beaches. Rain. Stars. Inspiration. Koyama Keiichiro. Colours. Winter. Snow. Winter jackets. Nishikido Ryo.

Runaway

Ramblings&Memories

A few words would be nice. :D

By post:
welcome to addiction; all over again
don't ask; a little hurt inside
three years of everlastingness and more to come
no longer stupid; i trusted you but not anymore
a flair for words; an advertisement of sorts
my table says donghae in a corner; new beginnings
with confetti and ribbons; glitter and all
a trip down memory lane; how we and they have grown
tears of joy; overwhelming
sparkle, sparkle; filled with nonsensical stuff

By month:
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011

the little tears; double meanings

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 @ 4:20 AM

the little tears; double meanings

Hmm, sometimes I wonder if the words that had passed previously between us were the truth. Sometimes, I'm hurt so badly by what had been promised but never been carried out. I know we love each other but sometimes I wonder if the love is evenly spread out.
Right now, it's spread four-three with no seven in between. It hurts to know that despite my efforts to love each and everyone evenly, you don't seem to want to be loved.
Saying that I won't lose one of the most precious people in my life because she won't ditch me was an understatement. Despite you not being able to see it, it's clearly displayed to me that I've lost her.
It hurts to know that there's no one that I could really share whatever I need to say to because in my opinion, you've robbed me of her. I doubt it's your fault that it happened but on the other hand, I do blame you at the same time.
I have a feeling that if you read this, you would know who you are but I can't hate you despite the fact that there is a little burning inside.
Sometimes, I want to shut the toilet door and sit inside and cry and cry for hours or just read a sad book just so the tears would come out but I hold it all in. I force myself to be stronger that the weak, emotional female I know I am.
You don't know this and I have a feeling that the love between us has grown thin.
Sometimes, it hurts to see you and then you ignore me.
I might be the source of whatever you're feeling, I don't know. I just have a feeling I am.
But the ignorance grates on my nerves. Maybe it's your intention. I don't know.
I wonder if it's done intentionally to push me away.
For as long as I can remember, I've hidden myself. I'm less open now. I put up a facade because I love you and I don't want you to see what I'm purposely hiding underneath.
There are times when tears find themselves out but I still hold them back. No use wasting it for something that I don't really understand.
Maybe if we weren't apart. But it seems that the three of us out of seven have been severely neglected. Maybe we didn't notice it before but you were alpha female and we were forever in your shadow. Not that that's a bad thing. We're content with where we are because of our love.
I don't want what had happened to me in primary school to be repeated again but I don't think that is possible.
Sometimes, I wonder if the looks you shoot me are looks of annoyance or contempt or just pure irritance. Sometimes, I just want to shy away and hide but there's no one else I can turn to. No one else who would accept me for who I am.
Yet, I am perfectly content living as a hermit. But not when I know that those I love are still around and breathing.
Maybe I should just shy away and hide.
After all, I've already lost one of the most important persons in my life.
Maybe I should begin a diary. I've got no where to throw all my pains, thoughts and the likes. You used to be my sounding board but not any longer.
I'm so lost.
Maybe I should just shed a few tears to relieve myself of this aching and put it behind me. I still have people who love me all the same but I miss the love we used to share.
You used to shout the name of a different person when you needed to run yet now you call her name.
Maybe you do it on purpose. Maybe you don't notice that by doing that, I die a little further.
You have grown so attached that the rest of us seem ditched.
Maybe I should say that instead of a four-three, it's more of a three-four.
Maybe you haven't realised it.
Maybe you have.
I don't know what to feel anymore.
If I decide to not be with you guys anymore, I might have had the wrong message and then you'll wonder what's wrong.
I really don't know what to feel anymore. I'll just have to wait and see.
Right now, I'm in one of those dilemmas in those cliched teenage dramas.
Maybe they're not so cliched after all.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so lost.

Much love and appreciation,
Lynxoxo