No matter the mistake, you'll always shine with glitter

The Narcissist

D!
Yours truly. 17. Female. Malaysian. Petite. 27th MAY. Single. Maybe available *hinthint* NEWS is her only drug. Absolutely, magically in love with BEAST. Hey! Say! JUMP. SHINee. Super Junior. In that order. Assuntarian. A Harry Potter Twitter Role-Player. Compulsive writer. Lusting for a glance in her direction. Sings like the world is deaf. As genuine as you can get. A self-proclaimed narcissist. Enjoys not having the other half
Love me? Hate me? I'll still be me. Enjoy. Lyn|Avery
Books Pave the Way to Destruction Yet to A Beauty Beyond Imaginations

Her Domain

286 posts from 5 June 2011
Escaping the conforms of society
To stupefy the endless expanse of the universe
Advancing into a world unknown
Please don't RIP Ask permission.
Discover where else she speaks her mind
Twitter: @theivorykeys
Facebook: Shern Lyn Khuan
Email: Contact either TorFB for details. (;

Her Cravings

• To be any JE member's adopted sister
• My first book published
• To meet NewS
• To meet Hey!Say!JUMP
• To meet Super Junior
• To meet SHINee
• To get signed to SM Entertainment
• A degree in English
• Black skinnies (:
• ~~White skinnies (:~~
• ~~A pet. Definetely~~
• Japanese boy uniform
• To perform a JE song medley
• To perform in Tokyo Dome and get signed to JE
• Another trip to Japan
• Permanent Japanese residence
• A yukata
• ~~A red and black checkered scarf~~
• To cosplay
• My first perfect Japanese bento lunch
• ~~A Japanese dictionary~~
• Understand and speak fluent Japanese
• Understand and speak fluent Korean
• National status as a writer
• A laptop or something similar
Will be updated when fancy strikes

Her One True Loves

MY BRATs TEAM. Alor Star 2011 NewS (Lots of love). Hey! Say! JUMP. Masuda Takahisa. Kato Shigeaki. Pen. Paper. Trees. Yamashita Tomohisa SHINee 3A12009. Super Junior. Nakajima Yuuto. Mathematics. Window shopping. Tegoshi Yuya. Japan! Twilight and Dusk. Kim Jong-Woon Sunset. Beaches. Rain. Stars. Inspiration. Koyama Keiichiro. Colours. Winter. Snow. Winter jackets. Nishikido Ryo.

Runaway

Ramblings&Memories

A few words would be nice. :D

By post:
blonde princess; from pen to computer
another book review?
simple: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you, our l...
running in circles to release stress; mtv world-st...
first time is always crap; go figure
a carnival of colours; two stars wasted
a shot of betrayal; a cocktail of rage
eyes closing with fatigue; barking mother
listening to the same tune for a hundred times; bo...
tanabata matsuri; make a thousand wishes to the stars

By month:
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011

wishing for the day; snow in July

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 @ 8:41 PM

wishing for the day; snow in july

Satu bangsa, satu suara, satu nada, satu irama

I wonder when my mother will stop contradicting herself and stop thinking that this is still the old me. She refuses to believe that the old innocent girl has gone. I wonder when she will finally appreciate me for who I am instead of always harping on the fact that I AM the perfect child who will score her straight As instead of always scoring Bs and Cs.
I wonder if she even sees me for my talents instead of an instrument for her own happiness. I wonder if she will ever stop wanting me to score straight As. She always asks me to publish my book but then always not finished and then moves on to another story. When will she know that the reason for the constant unfinished work and stories are part of my creativty and my need to be perfect?
It's annoying that she always harps on me to be perfect. The model child. I hate it when she compares me to the daughters of her friends. " *insert friend's daughter's name* always gets As. She's very smart, you know."
I wonder when she will tell her friends that I'm the perfect daughter one could ask for. Someone she can count on instead of always focusing on my bad points and encouraging them to grow by always pointing them out.
Oh, she's so lazy.
Oh, you're so stupid and fat.
Oh, why can't you be skinny and pretty like ?
Oh, look at her. She's so pretty. She's so skinny.
She doesn't say these words outright but the implication is there when she compliments someone tall, slim and pretty. She's never content with how I look.
She doesn't seem to respect that this it how I'm going to be, fat or not.
And I don't like to eat a lot and whenever I go over to my relative's place and I take very little food, my relative will always say, "Girl, enough ah?"
And before I can reply that I don't like to eat alot, my mom will say, "She thinks that by eating little she can get skinny but do you see a difference?"
She doesn't realise how much it hurts me to say that. That I'm not smart enough, nor beautiful enough nor PERFECT enough for her. It really does hurt.
Can't she see that I'm doing my best?
When I tell her that I cannot study like she does, in a straight row with an hour break in between and if I do, I just get headaches, she just says, "Nonsense. You just don't want to study."
Obviously!
Who wants to study but I'm forcing myself to do so. She goes and mocks me.
Maybe all mothers are like that.
I don't know but I'm not liking my mother very much at this moment.
The more she pushes me, the more I retaliate by getting lower marks.
Can't she ever say things in a nice tone instead of being mocking or scolding?
One day when I make my mark on the world, then only she'd be happy. Until that day, I'll still be the object of her poking fun and taunts and nasty teases.

Lynxoxo